Genderbent Ringtails
by CanzetYote
Summary: The Evergreen Forest. Quiet, peaceful, serene. That is until Bertha Raccoon wakes up. Luckily, she has some good friends to help her out. Life would be simple in the forest except for Cyndi Sneer and her life would be simple except for...the Raccoons! Raccoons Genderswap AU.
1. Genderswap Raccoons (And Aardvarks)

**NOTE:** _The whole Fionna And Cake episode of Adventure Time inspired me to write this. _

**Characters appearing in this chapter:**

Bertha - Female version of Bert

Bree - Female version of Broo

Rachel - Female version of Ralph

Matthew - Male version of Melissa

Cyndi - Female version of Cyril Sneer

Celia - Female version of Cedric

Lilly, Billie and Filly - Female versions of the Pigs.

The plucky tomboy of a raccoon pedaled her bike as she just finished driving her paper route for the Evergreen Standard. She wore a red tank top with a yellow letter B on it and a pair of jean shorts. She was physically on the short side yet athletically built as she wiped the sweat from her brow. She giggled at the female puppy by her side, "Boy, delivering all those papers sure works up a good sweat, Bree. I could really go for a peanut butter soda to quench my thirst!"

Bree barked happily in response as they stopped off at the Evergreen Standard office. Upon entering, the tomboy was greeted by none other than her good journalist friend, Rachel, "Why hello there, Bertha. I take it the paper route went well."

Rachel was a rather pudgy and homely looking raccoon but she wasn't downright ugly and had a bit of a cute charm to her. She wore a tan jacket over a teal tank top and a white scarf around her neck. Unlike Bertha who had a bent nose, her snout was long and pointy. Rachel was a smart girl but she could be a little awkward at times. Bertha remembered a time where poor Rachel got picked on by the mean girls in high school for being fat. One time, Rachel was bullied so badly that she cried for 3 hours straight in the bathroom with tears rolling down her snout. Bertha sadly remembered that day all too well.

Bertha smiled at Rachel, "It was pretty smooth sailing, Raych. By the way, is there any peanut butter soda in the minifridge? All that biking sure works up a thirst."

Rachel smiled and nodded, "Sure, you can help yourself to one. We just got stocked up."

Just then, a male raccoon stepped out of the darkroom. He was a bit of a pretty-boy with a slender build, pointed snout and handsome sapphire blue eyes. He was clad in a sleeveless open pink cargo vest and had a camera around his neck. Bertha was a little bit jealous that her friend Rachel could score a hot stud like him. The tomboy smiled at the male raccoon as Rachel greeted him, "Oh, hello, Matthew. How's the photography going?"

Matthew smiled, "It went great, honey. I got so many great shots that would look great on the front page. So, how's the story going?"

"So far, so good." Rachel replied, "It's about time we had lunch, though. How about we go back to the Raccoondininium and fix up a picnic?"

Matthew chuckled a bit, "Oh silly Rachel, always thinking of food." The photographer gave his wife a kiss on her snout, causing her to blush.

"Well, I was always teased for being the fat girl at school." Rachel said, trying to laugh herself.

"A picnic? Oh goody, can I come along?" Bertha asked excitedly.

Rachel and Matthew just frowned before Matthew spoke up, "Sorry, Bertha. Rachel and I kind of want to catch up on some alone time together."

Rachel nodded, "Matthew's right, the two of us are going to have a peaceful picnic and have a little hike to burn off calories."

The tomboy pouted and crossed her arms, "Hmph, you two are no fun." Bertha opened the minifridge and took out a peanut butter soda, opened it and chugged it down.

Matthew smiled, "You know, you could always go hang out with Celia. Maybe the two of you could have your own picnic together."

Bertha gasped with joy, "Matthew, you're a genius! I think I'll do just that."

"Just be careful about not getting Celia's dress dirty, though." Rachel warned, "You remember just how angry Cyndi got last time."

Bertha shivered a bit, "Yeah, that old hose nose can have quite the temper. Anyway, see you guys later. I'm off to Mrs Willow's Store to get me and Celia some beef jerky. This looks like a job for Bertha Raccoon: Ace Picnic Coordinator!"

Rachel and Matthew just rolled their eyes as Bertha ran out of the office and hopped on her bike, peddling off in the direction of the general store.

Meanwhile, a tall female aardvark sat in her office. Her nails were painted red and she wore a pure white fur coat with a bunch of jewelry around her fingers and neck. Between her fingers was a cigarette holder. She pressed a buzzer button and three pigs wearing heavy makeup sped up to her office, "We're at your service, ma'am." Lilly, the first pig spoke.

Cyndi Sneer crossed her arms and glared at them before speaking in a Villainous sounding English accent much like Cruella De Vil, "You swine disgust me, slacking off on your job again. Going off, buying donuts when you should be spying on those dreadful raccoons!"

Filly, the second pig shivered, "Please don't turn us into pig skin coats, boss. I swear it will never happen again!"

Billie nodded, "It won't ever happen again, I promise!"

"Ever minute you waste stuffing your foul faces with that pedestrian swill you call food, you could be out there trying to overthrow the Evergreen Standard. I need you to find out all you can on those pesky vermin called raccoons. I expect to see results and they had better be worth my time. Now get out!" Cyndi shouted.

"Yes, ma'am." Lilly whined.

"Right away, ma'am." Filly replied. And with that, the 3 pigs dashed out and Cyndi groaned to herself, "What a bunch of incompetent imbeciles..."

Suddenly, there was a knock on Cyndi's door and a voice came from the other side, "Hi mom, I was wondering if we could talk."

"Of course, daughter. Come on in." Cyndi replied.

Celia stepped through the door. She was a beautiful young aardvark wearing a blue ankle-length dress and glasses. Celia was very a very smart and well-educated girly girl, quite a contrast to Bertha's reckless and rough tomboy nature. She smiled at her mother, "Well mom, Bertha just gave me a phone call and told me that she'd like to go on a picnic."

Cyndi glared at her daughter, "A picnic? With that grungy, filthy ringtailed tomboy?! Have you completely lost it, Celia?"

Celia hung her head, "Gee mom, Bertha and I just want to hang out together."

"Well, you can just forget it!" Cyndi hissed angrily, taking a puff with her cigarette holder, "No daughter of mine is going out on an outing with that low class good-for-nothing bandit-faced Polly Oliver! Besides, you have that dress of yours to worry about. Do you have any idea how expensive it was? That's the finest silk money can buy and that tomboy friend of yours will ruin it in a matter of seconds! I only want the best for you, daughter. Stay AWAY from those raccoons, got it?"

Celia whimpered softly and hung her head, "Yes, mom."

With a sad sigh, Celia retired to her bedroom and phoned Bertha. Rachel picked up on the other end, "Hello, Raccoon residence. This is Rachel speaking, how may I help you?"

"Rachel?" Celia blinked, "Do you know where I can reach Bertha? I thought of going on a picnic with her but mom got mad when I told her."

Rachel sighed, "I'm real sorry to hear that. Bertha went off to Mrs Willow's general store to get some food for your picnic. Silly Bertha, she's always more than welcome to get food from the Raccoondiminium."

"Do you think she'll be there if I call Willow's store?" Celia asked to Rachel through the phone.

Rachel shrugged, "I don't know. It's worth a shot, I guess. Anyway, I hope you, Cyndi and Bertha work things out. Matthew and I are preparing for our own picnic. Bye, Celia."

Celia sighed and dialed the number for Mrs Willow's general store. An elderly female polar bear answered on the other end, "Hello? Celia?"

"Hi, Mrs Willow, I was wondering is Bertha's in your store at the moment. She said she's shop there for a picnic lunch." Celia replied.

Mrs Willow looked around her store and spotted Bertha, "Bertha, your friend Celia would like to speak to you on the phone."

The tomboy spun around, "Really? Okay, just let me ring up these two jars of peanut butter."

Bertha bought the beef jerky and jars of peanut butter as Mrs Willow handed her the phone, "Hello, Celia?"

"Hi, Bertha. Bad news, mom doesn't want the two of us going on a picnic. She's worried I might ruin my dress if we do." Celia replied on the other end.

Bertha rubbed her chin, "Is that so? Well, maybe I could go down to Sneer Mansion and let old hose nose change her mind somehow. After all, my middle name is persuasion!"

"Mine's Sylvia." Celia replied plainly, "Well, I sure hope you can change mom's mind. She's in one of her moods again."

Bertha just chuckled a bit, "Don't you worry your pretty dress, Celia. All I gotta do is talk to her and if that doesn't work, I could always sneak you out."

"Gee, I don't really know." Celia sounded a little unsure.

Bertha just giggled, "You can trust me. After all, I'm Bertha Raccoon: Ace Escape Artist."

Celia laughed on the other end, "All right, Bertha. I'll see you this afternoon. Bye."

"I'll see you soon, Celia. Bye." Bertha hung up the phone.

**NOTE:** _So what do you think so far? I couldn't find any genderbent fanart or fanfiction of the Raccoons so I started my own. _


	2. The Picnic

**NOTE:** _The following characters are mentioned in this story but don't appear in it:_

Georgina - Female version of George  
>Nicholas - Male version of Nicole<br>Bentilla - Female version of Bentley  
>Larry - Male version of Lisa<br>Trish Malone - Female version of Troy Malone  
>Andy Ringtail - Male version of Annie Ringtail<p>

Bertha walked up the steps of Sneer Mansion and knocked on the door. Out stepped a very disgruntled looking Cyndi Sneer with her trademark cigarette holder hanging from her mouth, "Well? What does a ringtail hooligan like you want?"

"Celia and I made some plans to go on a picnic today." Bertha explained, "Since you're her mother-"

"Don't want to hear another word!" Cyndi interrupted, "You're a very bad influence on my daughter, raccoon! The second you take her outside, her dress will get ruined beyond repair! Do you have any idea just how much that dress of hers costs?"

Bertha blinked, "A lot of money?"

"A FORTUNE! That dress of hers costs more than your silly little tree-dome house AND the Evergreen Standard combined!" Cyndi explained, "I can't afford for her to rip it!"

"So, why doesn't she wear something else to the picnic?" Bertha asked.

"Because today is Mother's Day and I, as a mother want her to wear that particular dress on this particular Mother's Day. Got a problem, raccoon?" Cyndi hissed venomously, breathing smoke in Bertha's face.

The tomboyish raccoon coughed a bit, "M-m-mother's day? Did I forget again?"

Cyndi just scowled at Bertha while Celia appeared in the doorway and waved at Bertha, "Hi, Bertha. Mom, is it okay if-"

"NO! You would dare defy your own mother on Mother's Day?!" Cyndi hissed at her daughter.

Celia shook her head, "No, it's just that Bertha and I haven't really been on a picnic for a while..."

"You'll ruin your dress!" Cyndi shouted, "NO MEANS NO! Now scram, you ringtailed menace! I've got better things to do, like roll around in my diamond vault. Go home!"

Cyndi slammed the door in Bertha's face while the tomboy began hatching a scheme in her head.

Meanwhile, Rachel and Matthew were enjoying a picnic together in a meadow. Matthew smiled as he bit into a sandwich, "You always make the best sandwiches, Rachel."

Rachel giggled and blushed, "They're nothing compared to my big sister Georgina's cooking but then again, she IS a chef."

"I wonder how she and her husband Nicholas are doing. And Bentilla and Larry, too. It's been a while since we've seen them." Matthew mused.

"Yeah..." Rachel replied as she took a bite out of her PB&J.

Matthew inched closer to his wife and put his arm around her, "Doesn't it just feel so great to get out of that stuffy office and enjoy the great outdoors every once in a while?"

"I guess so. It's just that I still have an unfinished column..." Rachel sighed.

Matthew just chuckled a bit, "Oh Rachel, for your, your typical schedule is work, eat, work, eat, work, eat, work."

Rachel scowled and folded her arms, "Hey, I take bathroom breaks and sleep just like everyone else."

Matthew chuckled again as he gave Rachel a quick smooch on her cheek, "You know I'm only joking, honey."

Rachel blushed and nuzzled Matthew right back, "You can be such a tease, Matthew..."

Matthew smiled right back, "I'm sure glad I got married to a girl like you and not that Trish Malone girl."

Rachel shuddered, "Please don't bring up that two-bit supermodel. She's just way too arrogant for her own good."

"Sorry." Matthew sighed, "I didn't mean to open up any old wounds. I'm just making a point that you're far more beautiful than any other girl I've met."

The homely journalist frowned, "I certainly don't think so...after all you were in the modelling industry for a short while so you've probably met girls much prettier than I..."

There was a long pause and Rachel felt a salty tear run down her muzzle and onto the tip of her black nose as she sadly hung her head. Matthew leaned forward and softly kissed Rachel's tear from her nose with his tongue, causing her to giggle and blush. Poor Rachel has serious self-esteem issues with her weight problems and stocky build. Matthew just smiled at her and hugged her close, "Don't be so hard on yourself, honey. I married you for a REASON. You're the smartest, nicest, cuddliest girl I could ever have a relationship with. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, Rachel, you're absolutely beautiful on the inside."

Rachel sniffled and rested her head on her husband's shoulder, drying her eyes with her scarf, "And you're beautiful both inside and out. There's so much more to you than those beautiful blue eyes and boyish looks of yours, you know."

Matthew chuckled a bit as he rubbed Rachel's back, "I know. So, are we about finished? I'm ready to go on that hike. Maybe I can take some photos along the way."

Rachel chuckled a bit, "I feel pretty full myself. I think that's a great idea, Matthew."

And so, the married couple packed up their lunch and headed for a trail in the woods.

About half an hour later, a reluctant Celia had managed to escape from Cyndi Sneer's mansion with the help of Bertha and the two of them were having a picnic of their own. Bertha threw a frisbee through the air and Bree caught it while Celia dug into the picnic basket, "Beef jerky and peanut butter? I guess it's a good thing I brought my chocolate pudding and my spoon with me."

Bertha smiled with the frisbee under her arm and sat down with Celia, "Say Celia, how's everything going with Stephen Tutu?"

Celia hung her head, "Mom doesn't really seem to like him that much. She says he's kind of a meathead but he's a pretty nice guy once you get to know him."

"All brawn and heart but no brain." Bertha chuckled, "I've known a few guys like that, they went on and got football scholarships while flunking everything else."

Celia folded her arms, "I remember one time your report card had straight F's, Bertha. You probably shouldn't laugh at Stephen."

Bertha sighed, "I know, Celia. Sorry I brought that up."

Celia smiled, "It's okay. So, how is everything going with Larry. Has he noticed you yet?"

Bertha frowned, "Not yet. I don't get it, Celia. I try so hard to get him to notice me but he's always more interested in basketball and coaching. Even Bentilla's in a relationship with that Andy Ringtail boy already and she's only six."

Celia sighed, "Maybe you could tell him how you feel."

Bertha blinked, "And risk getting friendzoned? No way! But I really wish I could get him to notice me."

Bertha sighed sadly and pulled a piece of beef jerky out of the basket, spreading a huge glob of peanut butter on it before eating it slowly. Celia frowned but tried to lighten the mood a little, "Beef jerky and peanut butter, huh? Trying to go for some extra protein?"

"I guess so..." Bertha said sadly, staring off into space while thinking about Larry. Larry and his tall, athletic physique and striking blue eyes, much like Matthew's eyes.

Celia then had an idea, "Cheer up, Bertha. Maybe we can go on a rafting trip after this picnic."

Bertha's ears perked up, "Did you just say...rafting trip?" Instantly, their moods switched. Bertha was smiling while Celia frowned. What did the aardvark just talk herself into?

The pigs were behind some nearby bushes, eavesdropping on the two. Lilly turned to her sisters, "Did you hear that? They're going on a rafting trip."

"Oh no, Celia's dress will get ruined and the boss will tan our hides!" Filly whimpered.

"We need to tell the boss right away!" Billie wailed, waving her arms.

And so, the three pigs ran off to the Sneer Mansion. Cyndi Sneer would not be pleased AT ALL by this news.


End file.
